Did you know?

Did you know my little Lily is headed off to kindergarten?
Well, she is....bright and early tomorrow morning.
She is nervous and thinks she doesn't want to go.
And the truth is , I don't want her to go either (but I've been careful not to let her know that). She has always been a little ray of sunshine in our house. Her baby blessing said she would be a peacemaker and it couldn't have been more spot on. She loves everyone, I mean completely and genuinely loves everyone, especially babies. She is generous, kind, and intuitive. She gives almost everything she owns away simply to bring others joy. She notices the people around her and is the first to offer a hug or a snuggle or a sweet little card to bring a smile. She is helpful. She gets me diapers and clothes for Ava and brings me my phone when I am nursing and refills Owen's drinks and pours him cereal. She tells me that she loves me and things like, "Mom, you are the best mom in the whole world" and "You are the best cooker in the whole world." She leaves what she calls "secret admirer" notes around the house and, no matter how many I find, every one still melts my heart.

I'm not ready to let her out into the big world that is elementary school. It brings me to tears every time I think about it. I am trying to be brave. I give myself pep talks, but it doesn't really help. I'd freeze time if I could and I'd keep her 5 and home with me forever. It makes it a million times harder to see her stressed about starting school. It was hard to see the older two head off to kindergarten, but they were so excited that they never looked back.

I've told Chris repeatedly that if she doesn't like it, I am not making her "stick it out." And even though he doesn't really agree and he does a little eye roll and tells me she'll be fine, he also tells me he'll totally support me in whatever I decide. I tell him kindergarten isn't mandatory and I could keep her home and teach her and I could make sure she is ahead of the game by next year when she starts first grade. She reads scriptures with us at night and is already reading lots of sight words so I am certainly not worried about her academically.
I told Lily I'll come eat lunches with her until she feels settled in and that if she wants to come home with me at lunchtime she can. I wouldn't even make her try a day of kindergarten except she might really love it. She might thrive and love the activities and the social part of it all, but if she doesn't try it out, she'll never know.
So, off she will go in the morning and off will go a little piece of my heart, and I'll kiss my little brown-eyed girl good-bye and I'll wave and watch the bus until it disappears down the lane, and I'll swallow the lump in my throat and probably shed a tear or two, and I'll worry and keep praying for what I always pray for....that my kids will know they are loved, that they will really know it and feel it deep down in their core. Because when you know you are loved, it's easier to face things that scare you and stand up for what you know, and it's easier to make good choices and it's easier to not believe it when someone tells you something mean.

yup, this pic is upside down, and I am too lazy to fix it.

She wrote her name on everything she got from the dentist....love it.