Did you know?

Did you know my little Lily is headed off to kindergarten?
Well, she is....bright and early tomorrow morning.
She is nervous and thinks she doesn't want to go.
And the truth is , I don't want her to go either (but I've been careful not to let her know that). She has always been a little ray of sunshine in our house. Her baby blessing said she would be a peacemaker and it couldn't have been more spot on. She loves everyone, I mean completely and genuinely loves everyone, especially babies. She is generous, kind, and intuitive. She gives almost everything she owns away simply to bring others joy. She notices the people around her and is the first to offer a hug or a snuggle or a sweet little card to bring a smile. She is helpful. She gets me diapers and clothes for Ava and brings me my phone when I am nursing and refills Owen's drinks and pours him cereal. She tells me that she loves me and things like, "Mom, you are the best mom in the whole world" and "You are the best cooker in the whole world." She leaves what she calls "secret admirer" notes around the house and, no matter how many I find, every one still melts my heart.

I'm not ready to let her out into the big world that is elementary school. It brings me to tears every time I think about it. I am trying to be brave. I give myself pep talks, but it doesn't really help. I'd freeze time if I could and I'd keep her 5 and home with me forever. It makes it a million times harder to see her stressed about starting school. It was hard to see the older two head off to kindergarten, but they were so excited that they never looked back.

I've told Chris repeatedly that if she doesn't like it, I am not making her "stick it out." And even though he doesn't really agree and he does a little eye roll and tells me she'll be fine, he also tells me he'll totally support me in whatever I decide. I tell him kindergarten isn't mandatory and I could keep her home and teach her and I could make sure she is ahead of the game by next year when she starts first grade. She reads scriptures with us at night and is already reading lots of sight words so I am certainly not worried about her academically.
I told Lily I'll come eat lunches with her until she feels settled in and that if she wants to come home with me at lunchtime she can. I wouldn't even make her try a day of kindergarten except she might really love it. She might thrive and love the activities and the social part of it all, but if she doesn't try it out, she'll never know.
So, off she will go in the morning and off will go a little piece of my heart, and I'll kiss my little brown-eyed girl good-bye and I'll wave and watch the bus until it disappears down the lane, and I'll swallow the lump in my throat and probably shed a tear or two, and I'll worry and keep praying for what I always pray for....that my kids will know they are loved, that they will really know it and feel it deep down in their core. Because when you know you are loved, it's easier to face things that scare you and stand up for what you know, and it's easier to make good choices and it's easier to not believe it when someone tells you something mean.

yup, this pic is upside down, and I am too lazy to fix it.

She wrote her name on everything she got from the dentist....love it. 

Meanwhile...Back at the Ranch

We had a reunion (waaaay back at the end of June)....it was bitter-sweet.....bitter because it was the first reunion since Oma and Opa have both been gone, so you couldn't help but notice a change in dynamics and the feeling that something was missing. It was sweet too though, it was sweet to reconnect and see family that we hadn't seen in years and sweet to be back at the ranch. I love that place, it feels like sacred ground, chock-full of memories. It has always been amazing to me how certain places, smells and sounds can trigger vivid memories, even some that have long ago been forgotten.
My dad built a carousel for the kids. He is so amazing. I wish I would have stepped back and gotten a picture of the whole thing because it was the cutest and, of course, turned out to be a huge hit with the crowd of littles.

Owen rode the carousel and I kept taking his picture until he gave me "the look."

My dad also brought a barrel train that was super fun....

 We found a little kitty and Lily was in L-O-V-E. It was wild at first, so she ended up with scratches up her arms, but she was undeterred and before the end of the day, that little kitty loved her right back.

There was a creek that was perfect for wading...

Even for the littlest littles.

Owen was pretty sure he wanted to wade in the creek naked, I caught him in the buff several times.

My cousin spent literally hours painting faces....

The big kids stayed so busy, we scarcely heard from them. They hung out and spent countless hours boating on the pond where they took turns "accidentally" tipping each other's boats.

My dad also set up a four-wheeler course and stood out in the sun supervising rides.....did I mention he is amazing?

Getting Crafty.....(we decorated tea towels and made mosaic stepping stones)

There was food and cute little chefs.

Reflection

The other day Grace laid her head in my lap and we had this exchange....

Grace: "I'm not ready for summer to be over."
Me:   "Neither am I."
Grace:  "It's weird because when summer started I didn't want school to end, but now that it's summer I am just not ready for it to end."

I guess that is the mark of a successful summer. I am not ready to ship the kids off to school yet and I don't think they are quite ready to go, but the first day of school is looming close by so we are relishing the last delicious drops of summer.

We've road-tripped. We've explored and camped and swam. We've forgone naps and sometimes even baths and chores just to play all day. We've burned the candle at both ends and stayed up late and gotten up early so as not to waste a precious moment of these sunny summer days. It's been everything a summer is supposed to be. We've made memories and built bonds. It's been refreshing and rejuvinating and we are clinging to these last few days of freedom before our schedules are once again filled to the brim.

Under Emma's Pillow

....and the reason why I can never find a flashlight.

Could I Forgive?

Would a tragedy like this make me or break me?
Grab a tissue (you'll need one) and take a mintue to watch this video. You will come away more grateful and inspired to love and forgive, not to mention hold your family a little tighter.

Best Laid Plans

Remember how I said I was attempting 7 posts in 7 days? I already missed a day (sigh), but I have some really good excuses.....like....the missionaries came for dinner, and Mikala was here for a visit, and I've been working on a post about our family reunion and it's taking waaaay too long because I took a gazillion pictures and now I have to sort through them all.

We made brownies yesterday and every time I bake, someone is standing by waiting for the bowl and beaters. This time it was Owen...