Well...

Well, the funeral is over and we have learned a lot over the past week. We learned or at least realized the enormous impact parents have on our life and how incredibly hard it is to say good-bye. We also learned that we have a lot of friends...we have literally been showered with hugs, condolences, flowers, food, cards and kind thoughts and prayers. We are overwhelmed by the outpouring of love we have felt in the past week.
It feels as though we should somehow feel a measure of relief or closure now that it's over. We said good-bye, the service turned out beautifully. Instead, the hurt is still there and as raw as ever. And where before we had funeral arrangements occupying our time, energy and thoughts...now, we face moving forward and it seems daunting to say the least. We must somehow begin to know a new normal where, for now at least, emptiness and longing seem to reign. We still have many commitments that will continue to keep us on the run, but the loss is always there occupying our thoughts and there will be quiet moments when it will seem unbearable. We felt one such quiet moment the other evening once the funeral was over, the dinner was cleaned up and family had headed home....then it hit us, we just laid on the bed and cried again. Lily came in and this was our exchange.
Lily, "What are you guys doing?"
Chris, " We are thinking about grandpa and how much we miss him. What are you thinking?"
Lily, "Just about having some ice cream."
We laughed for a long time and it felt good to cry from laughing rather than emptiness.
We are so thankful for our family and the happiness our children bring into our lives. We wish they had more time with their grandpa so they could know from their own experience what a great man he was, but we are thankful for the time they did have with him. For the most part, they are too young to fully grasp the fact that he is gone. Grace is just old enough to understand on some level and it hits her now and then and she sits and cries for a while.
As young as Owen is, we know he won't remember Lloyd, but we know he loved him. When we took him to the funeral home during the family viewing, Owen was so excited to see him and kept pointing and saying "grandpa". When we brought him close, he leaned in to go to him, he kept kissing him and every time he pulled away he'd laugh and wait for Lloyd to play with him. We were thankful for the experience, it made us remember all the times they played and laughed together and we realized that although Owen is small, his grandpa has made an impression on him.
We are so thankful for the knowledge we have that there is more to life than this earthly existence. We will miss sharing happy family times and being able to pick up the phone and call him for advice, but it will only be for a season. We will be together again. Thanks again for all your kind words and prayers.